


Fear

by falsteloj



Category: Lord of the Rings (Movies), Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Class Differences, Ficlet, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsteloj/pseuds/falsteloj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the return to the shire. Sam angsts over his feelings for Frodo. Written c. 2007.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear

It had been months now since their return to the Shire, and although everything there was still exactly as he had imagined, the home that had kept him focused and had given him the willpower to take step after trudging step in the foul lands of Mordor, he had changed.

So many times throughout the ordeal - even now he couldn’t bear to think of it as an “adventure” - Sam had wished for nothing more than to back at Bag End with Frodo. Where everything would be normal once more. Where he could spend his days tending to his garden and his evenings in the Green Dragon with Frodo and the Gaffer. And, and, Rosie Cotton. Once he would have given anything to look upon the pretty face of Rosie Cotton.

But that had been then, now when he looked at Rosie he still marvelled at her curls and rosy cheeks and how perfectly she represented the ideals of hobbit beauty (which was the kind of thing Mister. Frodo might say to express the confused thoughts that swirled around his head), he no longer felt the ache in his chest and the sickening twist of unrequited longing. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel those things anymore; it was just that he didn’t feel them when he looked at Rosie Cotton.

And it was making him miserable. More miserable even than when Frodo had chosen to believe that hideous Gollum creature over him and leave him to an unknown fate in the stinking depths. Because then he had had faith that in his right mind Frodo would never have done such a thing and that Frodo really did consider him a worthy friend. Now Frodo was in his right mind and therefore would never be able to give him what he wanted.

Swiping the backs of his hands across his teary eyes Sam took a deep, fortifying breath and pulled himself to his feet. Frodo had asked to see him, formally like, like when he had very first began working up at Bag End and their relationship was still one of uncertainty and  strict master/servant  boundaries that neither had known how far it was appropriate or acceptable to push. 

Sam knew the reason, the lingering stares and longing glances he couldn’t conceal. The desperate pounding of his heart in his chest whenever Frodo touched him… The older hobbit wasn’t stupid, he was bound to realise what was happening. Sam thought of the night Gandalf had caught him listening in to the tale of the ring under Frodo’s kitchen window, it seemed so long ago now - almost a lifetime - when he’d begged the wizard not to turn him into something _unnatural_. Sam often wondered if Gandalf hadn’t heeded those words, if he had muttered a few words and left him cursed with this unnatural desire for something that was wrong and so utterly, utterly unattainable.

Sam sighed, trying to push such depressing thoughts from his mind and started on the short walk from his home to Bag End, trying his best not to drag his feet as he went.

**Author's Note:**

> As ever, feel free to chat / hit me with prompts over on Tumblr [@serenwib](http://serenwib.tumblr.com/) or Twitter [@falsteloj](https://twitter.com/falsteloj). :)


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